sarcastic quotes

If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.

Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.

He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil.

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world.

You were looking good from afar.. now you’re far from looking good.

I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.

“Are you sarcastic?” “Well no duh!”

Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.

We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.

I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner.We used to write essays like: What I’m going to be if I grow up.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

Shut up, will you?” “Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.

Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Don't interrupt me when I'm ignoring you.

Expect nothing and you’ll never be dissapointed!